Guys' Sex Stuff - What Every Guy Needs to Know
Many guys take their sexual health for granted, focusing on things like sexual performance instead. What they don’t realise is that sexual health is an important part of their overall wellbeing, and is a major contributor to personal satisfaction and feeling good. In other words, looking after your sexual health can often lead to improved performance!
Some guys have questions about their sexual health, but feel embarrassed to ask. Here is some information about common concerns.
Penis stuff
Masturbation
Most guys (and girls!) masturbate and as long as it is done in private or with a partner, masturbation is a normal and healthy way of experiencing pleasure and understanding what feels good for you. Frequency of masturbation varies from person to person – everyone is different. If you feel masturbation has become a problem for you, seek professional help.
Does size matter?
Guys often feel pressure to have a big penis. Penises come in all shapes and sizes, and the reality is that most are around the same size when erect. And as the saying goes, ‘It’s not how it hangs, it’s how it bangs!’
Erections and ejaculation
Lots of guys get erections or have wet dreams (when a guy ejaculates or ‘cums’ while he is asleep) for what seems like no particular reason. While this can be embarrassing, it is perfectly natural and nothing to worry about. Thinking about something really boring can help make erections go away.
Premature ejaculation (when a guy experiences lack of control over his ejaculation, with it happening sooner than he or his partner wants) is a common problem for many guys.
Sometimes there is an inherited tendency for this condition, and it can frequently be treated with medications and specific exercises.
Erectile problems (impotence) are common among older guys, with many needing more foreplay to get and maintain an erection, and can be an early warning sigh of deeper problems. Causes include diseases (heart, liver, diabetes or multiple sclerosis), injuries (spinal cord damage and pelvic fracture, surgery or radiation) and certain commonly-prescribed medications (antidepressants and high blood pressure pills). Drug use (marijuana, excessive alcohol consumption and smoking), relationship and psychological problems (especially stress, depression, fatigue or anxiety) can also cause difficulties for guys of all ages.
Treatment for erectile problems is usually in the form of drugs or hormonal treatments, but quitting smoking, ceasing drug use and lowering alcohol consumption can all help. Erectile problems in young guys are often due to anxiety or depression, and generally respond well to simple treatments. Talking to your partner or a counsellor about how you are feeling can also be beneficial.
Guys experiencing premature ejaculation or erectile problems should see a doctor – don’t ‘put up’ with the problem as help and treatment is available.
Sex stuff
When can I have sex?
The legal age to have sex in WA is 16. This applies to both guys and girls, regardless of who you are attracted to. If you are supervising or responsible for young people under the age of 18, it is illegal to have sex with them.
Remember both partners must consent to having sex for it to be legal (you must both want to do it). Forcing someone to have sex is a crime, and so is taking advantage of someone if they have been drinking or taking drugs.
But what if I don’t want to have sex?
Despite popular belief, guys don’t always want sex. It’s important not to feel pressured when it comes to relationships and sex - take your time deciding what you want to do. A happy, healthy relationship doesn’t necessarily mean having sex.
Sexual assault, or rape, happens to both guys and girls. No-one has the right to make you do sexual things you don’t want to, or to make you feel unsafe. Abuse and violence is not acceptable in any relationship or situation, and is against the law.
Many guys who have been assaulted find it difficult to talk about. Remember it’s not your fault, and help and support is available.
STIs
A sexually transmissible infection (STI) is an infection that can be passed on through vaginal, anal or oral sex. Most STIs are transmitted through an exchange of body fluids, but some can be passed on through skin to skin genital contact.
STIs often go unnoticed in guys, as many of them don’t visit a health professional on a regular basis. They can cause a wide range of health problems, from mild irritation to serious illness. Some STIs are easily treated with antibiotics if detected early, but can have long-term consequences if left untreated, including infertility (when you can’t have children). While others can’t be cured, treatments are available to ease symptoms.
Many guys with an STI have no symptoms, so it’s possible to have one and not know it.
Symptoms can include:
- unusual discharge from the penis
- itchiness around the genital area
- a burning sensation when peeing
- a rash, sores or small lumps on or around the penis or anus
- pain or swelling in the testicles
If you notice any of these symptoms, or if you’ve had unprotected sex in the past, get tested by a doctor or at FPWA. Consider discussing your symptoms with any sexual partners. Testing for STIs is quick and painless - it only takes a few minutes and usually involves a urine sample (and sometimes a blood test). The doctor doesn’t have to examine you if you don’t want them to.
Sometimes symptoms go away by themselves, but this doesn’t mean the infection has gone.
Safe sex
Condoms and dams help reduce the risk of getting or passing on an STI (a dam is a thin latex square held over the vaginal or anal area during oral sex). They stop body fluids like semen, blood and vaginal fluids from being exchanged. As some STIs can be passed on through skin to skin contact, it’s important to remember that condoms and dams only protect the area of skin they cover.
Always use water-based lubricants with condoms, as oil-based lubricants like Vaseline and massage oil weaken condoms and increase the risk of breakage. Use a new condom or dam everytime you have sex and check the expiry date before use. Condoms need to be kept in a cool dry place. If exposed to heat they are less effective, so don’t keep them in your car or wallet.
If your partner is female, it’s a good idea to talk to her about other forms of contraception, but remember that using condoms and dams is the only way to reduce the risk of getting or passing on an STI. Condoms must be put on before any penis/vagina contact for them to be effective, as some sperm can leak from the penis before ejaculation. After sex, withdraw the penis while it is still hard, holding the condom at the base of the penis to ensure no semen leaks out.
Relationship stuff
Communication
Lots of guys struggle to communicate their feelings, both in and out of the bedroom. Even though it can be difficult, talking openly and honestly can go a long way towards a healthy, satisfying relationship.
Who do I like?
Being attracted to people of the same sex is as natural as being attracted to people of the opposite sex. No one knows what causes our sexual attractions. Many people think of sexuality as a range of sexual attraction - some people are attracted to the same sex, some are attracted to the opposite sex, and some are attracted to both sexes. These feelings can change at different times in your life.
It is natural to be curious about other guys. While being attracted to them doesn’t necessarily mean you are gay, it’s OK if you are.
Sometimes people in same-sex relationships are treated unfairly by others. Violence, discrimination and harassment against anyone is against the law, regardless of their relationship.
Baby stuff
How do I stop a girl getting pregnant?
By always using a condom! Girls can get pregnant at any time, including the first time they have sex, and ‘pulling out’ isn’t a safe form of contraception. Having unprotected sex even once can lead to pregnancy.
Sometimes accidents happen. If you’ve had unprotected sex or the condom breaks or comes off during sex and your partner is female, she may wish to consider taking emergency contraception to reduce the risk of pregnancy. Emergency contraception is available over the counter at pharmacies, and is most effective when taken within 24 hours of having sex (though there is some effectiveness for up to 5 days afterwards). You and your partner, whether they are male or female, may also want to consider getting tested for STIs.
Hang on – I want to have a baby!
Many couples are affected by infertility, with lots of guys surprised to learn it can be due to problems on their part. Changing your lifestyle can often help improve fertility. Both partners should cut down on alcohol and give up smoking, as it can reduce a guy’s sperm quality.
If you take recreational drugs consider stopping, as they can have a negative effect on fertility and for a developing baby. Check with your doctor if any medication you are prescribed could affect your fertility, eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly and drink plenty of water.
As many guys with an STI have no symptoms, it is possible to have one and not know it. STIs like chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis can be passed onto the baby at birth. For this reason it is a good idea for both partners to consider testing before trying to conceive. If left untreated, some STIs can also lead to infertility.
Health stuff
Play ball
Testicular cancer is the second most common cancer in young men aged 18-39 years.
Symptoms to look out for include:
- A heavy or dull ache in the lower abdomen or groin
- A painless lump in either testicle
- Any enlargement of the testicle
- A change in the way the testicle feels
- Enlargement or tenderness of the nipples or surrounding chest area
- Blood in the semen
If you notice any of these symptoms, see a doctor straight away. Testicular cancer is curable if detected and treated early.
Prostate cancer
The prostate is a small walnut-sized gland which is located just below the bladder, near the urethra. The most common problem associated with the prostate is enlargement of the gland itself (usually in older guys). If the prostate becomes so large it starts to press on the urethra, guys can experience problems urinating, such as pain during urination and difficulty in starting the flow of urine. Symptoms such as these should always be discussed with a doctor.
Page last updated Tue, 16 Oct 2007 15:58